Are you Mindful or is your mind full?

Mindfulness is a hot topic at the moment. It seems to be plastered all over the newspapers and has the business world all of a flutter. It has been prescribed by the NHS for depression since 2004, but recently mindfulness has spawned a whole industry of evening classes and smartphone apps. Big businesses such as Google, Twitter and Facebook are introducing it into their organisations as a key development tool for their employees and many more are jumping on the bandwagon.

 

So what is it and, more importantly, does it work?

 

We live in an increasingly busy and technological world where we are quite often multi-tasking as if our lives depended on it. We put the washing on whilst helping the kids with their homework and answer work e-mails – all at the same time!! Life is a constant juggling act to ensure we get everything done. How many times have you done something on autopilot? Or driven down a stretch of road without remembering how you got there?

 

Very rarely are we aware of the present moment as we become lost in our efforts to juggle balls and spin the plates of our conflicting demands. We are often “not present” in our own lives. We often fail to notice the good things about our lives, fail to hear what our bodies are telling us and get easily distracted.

 

Mindfulness is a way of paying attention to, and seeing clearly whatever is happening in our lives.  It will not eliminate life’s pressures, but it can help us respond to them in a more positive way. Kabat-Zinn calls it “paying attention on purpose, moment by moment, without judging”. In a nutshell, you stop thinking about the past or the future and concentrate on what is happening right now, in the present. In this exact moment.

How?

 

Mindfulness often starts by learning to focus on our breathing. Every time we notice that we are distracted and not thinking about our breathing we accept it, dismiss the thought, and return our attention to our breath. This process is very simple and easy to do anywhere. It isn’t about emptying the mind or filling the head with peaceful thoughts, rather being aware of physical sensations of the body and simply to notice what the mind does. When the mind wanders, simply notice it and acknowledge it. Don’t try to surpress it or make the thoughts go away.

 

The Science Bit!

Neuroscience informs us that the brain can change and rewire itself.  Studies show that practicing mindfulness leads to structural as well as functional changes in the brain as measured by MRI’s, SPECT scans, and EEG studies.MRI scans of the grey matter of the brain’s hippocampus, the area of the brain associated with learning, memory, compassion, introspection and self-awareness, have been shown it to increase in participants of Mindfulness programs. Conversely, the grey matter of the Amygdala, which is known to play an important part in stress and anxiety, has been shown to decrease.

 

Does it work?

Studies repeatedly show that practicing mindfulness helps reduce stress, improve work/life balance, increase creative thought and help people think more clearly.

From a business perspective, people who practice mindfulness at work report an improved ability to communicate clearly and more appropriate reactions to stressful situations. They also report a better ability to handle workplace conflict, improved teamwork and a better ability to “think out of the box”.

So, what have you got to lose by giving it a go? The very worst that can happen is you lose 20 minutes of your life by focusing on your breathing. The best that can happen is it opens up a whole new world of dealing with stress and making the most out of your life.

If you are interested in finding out more about mindfulness and how it can help you and your business, please come along to my workshop “An introduction to mindfulness” on Monday 30 June (9.30am -12pm) at Cantley House Hotel in Wokingham, Berks.

Contact me at: Katie@krccoaching.co.uk for further details.

Is it all about the balance?

 

     Is it all about the balance?

 

Work/life balance is big business nowadays. Everyone seems to be searching for this mythical life which will lead us to the promised land, making us happy beyond our wildest dreams. But will it? What is work/life balance anyway? Before we go chasing this elusive paradise we need to stop and ask some pertinent questions:

1. What does it mean for you?

It seems to me that everyone is so busy striving for this mythical place that they don’t stop to define what the term really means for them personally. Whilst one persons work/life balance might mean working 10-2 and doing the school run, someone else’s might look very different. What areas of your life would you like to devote more time to and which areas are you expending too much energy on? Only once you have a really good idea of the gaps between where you are in your life and where you would like to be can you make steps to change.

2. Is what you are doing really so bad?

Before you start beating yourself up about answering work calls in the evening or taking time off for the school play, ask yourself is that what you needed/wanted to do at that particular time? If the answer is yes, then surely your work/life balance was right at that moment. Often, people are concerned about other people’s opinions. My clients will be unhappy if I don’t respond immediately; my children will feel abandoned if I don’t pick them up from school every day. If you take a step back you may realise that these are your concerns not those of the other people involved. If you asked them, they are happy with the time you devote to them and don’t have the unrealistic expectations you place upon yourself. The pressure is coming from you not them!

3. Shall I quit my job and work for myself?

There are many people out there who say “take a risk, work for yourself. Flexible working and an easy life”. I would advocate caution before you rush in and make that leap. Yes, working for yourself can mean you determine your own working  hours to a certain extent but, ask any small business owner, at the beginning you devote many, many hours getting your business of the ground. Also, because there is no guaranteed salary at the end of every month you work harder to  make your money. Yes, you may be able to do school pick up but it is rare that you do not work into the evening and often, late into the night. It can be incredibly rewarding but presents different challenges to a salaried job. If you need to put food on the table, flexible working won’t help much!

If you enjoy your work, think about ways in which you could tweak your hours (or way of working) to make it work for you. Could you work from home one day a week? Could you ask your boss for more flexible working? If you are unhappy in your work then, by all means, consider working for yourself. Make sure you have a viable idea, a market to pitch it to and a buffer of cash to see you through the first lean months.

4. Should we be searching for happiness anyway?

Are we spending so much time searching happiness that we don’t stop to enjoy the time we have? Do we worry so much that we are not deliriously happy all the time that we lose the moments of true happiness we have in every day life? Sometimes, I think if we could just stop and count our blessings, we would realise that actually our lives are pretty, damn good! Sure, there are things I might want to change in my life and I would love more hours in the day but, all things considered, life is good. That is not because I have mastered the art of work/life balance but because I recognise that some days are good and some not so good but I just need to make themost of the good times. As the Serenity Prayer says: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference!

Coaching can help identify what work/life balance means for you and work out what is right for you. Contact me at katie@krccoaching.co.uk for a free consultation.

 

Coaching the leaders of tomorrow

According to a new report by the Ashridge Business School in the UK, middle managers are passed over when it comes to training and development. Apparently, while 73% of middle managers say they work in an environment that claims to support learning and development only around a half of them are actually experiencing it in practice and a quarter of them believe that in reality their companies actually see personal development as something of a luxury.

This seems incredibly short-sighted. Many middle managers have been promoted to their role through demonstrating their excellence in a technical or professional field. As a result, there may be a shortfall in soft skills such as communication, change management or team leadership. It is all too easy for an organisation to believe that leadership and team management comes through experience but these skills can be honed through an effective coaching programme.

For an organisation to work well, middle managers need to be able to lead a team, influence their peers or external clients and speak with authority to a management board. Leading a team is so much more that being able to do your job. A middle manager must be able to motivate their employees, develop the talent within their team and make difficult decisions. Without these skills, a team cannot perform to their optimum.

Time and money spent investing in middle management can reap significant returns on investment. Working with a coach develops can turn the middle managers of today into leaders of tomorrow.

Contact me to discuss your middle management coaching needs.

Katie Rowland http://www.krccoaching.com 

My love-hate relationship with stress

How many times this week have you said “I’m so stressed!”? How do you define stress? What does it mean for you?

For me, I feel stressed when I feel overwhelmed by life, by the sheer quantity of things I have to do on a very tight deadline. I feel like all the plates I am juggling are spinning out of control and there is a very real fear that something terribly important will drop off and be forgotten. 

Whilst ‘stressing’ about the ridiculous number of projects I have willingly agreed to take on I realised something quite extraordinary. Yes, I felt overwhelmed and panicky. Yes, I wasn’t entirely sure how I could possibly achieve everything I needed to get done…

BUT….there was also a part of me which felt excited by the challenge and got quite a buzz from the plate spinning that was going on. I felt alive! I felt like I was achieving and the extra time pressure served to spur me on further.

So, whilst one part of me was moaning how stressed I felt, the other side was secretly revelling in it. It almost felt like a guilty secret that I dare not confide, in case others thought this was always the case and withdrew their support. 

Stress isn’t always a bad thing. You can use it to your advantage and yes, even enjoy it. Understand that it is possible to have a real love-hate relationship with stress.

I now just have to learn how to manage this relationship and not get stressed when I feel stressed!

 

Back to school

Wow – the summer holidays seem to have flashed past! Autumn is knocking on the door and school term has begun. Now is a really good time to re-energise your business and refocus your activity. Just like starting a new year at school, the following tips can help!

*  Check your kit and buy new stationery

Remember the thrill of buying new pens, pencils and notebooks in preparation for the new school year! Now is a good time to make sure that you have all the equipment you need for your business. Buy new pens and stationery – it really can make you feel like you’re breathing fresh air into your working day! Is everything working as well as it needs to or do you need to update some stuff? This can be anything from a new computer mouse to updating your website to ensure it is working effectively.

*  Be brave and meet new people.

Just as a child has to be brave and walk into a room full of new people at school, push yourself to meet new people and get new leads. Attend a networking meeting or even cold call potential clients. 

*  Learn new things.

School is all about learning new things. What new skill can you learn which may benefit your business? Are there courses which would be useful or shadowing someone for a day?

*  Read, read and read some more.

Chances are your holiday reading didn’t include great business tomes. Now is a good time to catch up on reading articles or books relevant to your business. Trawl online for great blogs to keep up with business trends, explore Pinterest and Twitter.

*  Invest in your future.

Revise your five year plan. Like a teenager choosing A levels for a future career, make sure your everyday working is aligned to where you want to be in five years. Review your client base and marketing plan and keep checking that your long-term vision remains the same.

So, start your new term at your business school!

Remember to breathe!

Mindfulness:

“paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgementally” Jon Kabat-Zinn

How often do you “stop and smell the roses?” Don’t tell me – you don’t have the time! How can you take time to smell the roses when you have so much going on right now?

At the recent Henley Coaching Conference, I learnt how important doing just that can be! The wonderful Liz Hall from Coaching at Work explained the concept behind ‘Mindfulness’ and how it can significantly improve both our business and personal lives.

Mindfulness is about pressing pause on what is going on, taking a breath and focusing on what is happening to you right now. In a coaching environment it has a whole host of positive benefits for the client including:

• Becoming more self-aware
• Managing stress
• Managing reactions/responses
• Improving wellbeing.

This, in turn, leads to better strategic thinking, clearer decision- making and greater resilience.

There are a lot of scientific facts to back up the idea of taking time every day to build mindfulness into your life. The idea is that practising mindfulness can go some way towards rewiring the brain and form new neural pathways. Studies have shown increased health benefits including:

• Decreased cortisol (Tang et al 2007)
• Boosted immune system (Davidson et al, 2003)
• Improved medical conditions including type II diabetes, cardiovascular disease, asthma and chronic pain (Walsh and Shapiro, 2006)

A simple way to incorporate mindfulness into your life is by meditating. This can be anything from 30 minutes a day to taking 3 minutes breathing space. This can be practiced anywhere – on the bus, in the office or in a coaching session. Take time to focus on your breathing and let your mind go (don’t worry it is natural for your mind to wander). Become aware of how each part of your body feels – don’t try and change it, just accept that is how it feels and let it go. Mindfulness is all about taking that breath and accepting without judgement.

So next time you feel too stressed and pushed for time to stop and smell the roses, take a breath, centre yourself and remember – 5 minutes spent now could change your life!

 

Katie Rowland    KRCCoaching.com

Keep on Moving!!

I was reminded this week that life will continue to move forward despite our best efforts. A friend of mine was involved in a terrible accident, one in which her life changed dramatically. Prior to the accident, my friend had it sussed. High flying job juggled with being a fabulous mum to her two adorable children and a happy marriage. She had achieved everything she wanted in her life. Now, all that has changed.

I am sure we all imagine how we want our lives to be and have a clear picture of our ideal. Life, though has different plans! We may get to where we wish to be but life doesn’t stop once you have reached your goal. Life keeps on moving and you need to keep up with it! 

Goals need to be reviewed and adapted once they have been reached. Where next do you want to go on your journey? Change can be good – change can give you a learning experience to enrich your life. Equally, change can mean that your life plan needs to be ripped up and you have to start again. Whatever the case, you need to keep moving. Keep learning from life and BE FLEXIBLE! 

Those who are happiest in life are those who have given up trying to control it and have learnt to ‘go with the flow’. A key attribute in high achievers is the ability to adapt to ever-changing circumstances. The fact that we never know what twists and turns lie in store for us can either be one of life’s joys or one of our greatest fears. It is up to you how you face it.

Embrace life and learn from life’s experiences. Don’t be complacent when you have reached your goal – keep moving forward, keep reaching higher! And when disaster strikes, gather your strength and adapt. Just like my friend has done.

Are you trying too hard?

How was Mother’s Day for you? For me, it started with the bickering downstairs as my husband and daughter tried to make a special pancake breakfast. Then it continued with arguing over how I would best enjoy my day – they both had very different ideas! They were both trying so hard to make it the ‘best day ever’ that it led to our usual relaxed Sunday morning turning into a very stressful experience! 

Nobody was being authentic! This wasn’t how Sunday morning usually worked in our house. Everybody was trying too hard. As I pondered on this, it occurred to me that this can happen in our work life too. When I first started coaching, on occasion, I tried so hard to be the perfect coach that the session did not go so well. Rather than being authentic and true to my coaching values and ethos, I gave advice and put my opinions forward. I was so desperate for the client to get a result that it overrode the fact that it should be the right result.

Since then, I have seen other clients do the same thing. Trying so hard to get it exactly right that they have lost the sense of self that made the client want to hire them in the first place. Obviously, a company needs to try hard to meet the client’s needs and deliver a good product or service but, by trying too hard, you can devalue the very thing that makes you special.

So, back to Mother’s Day! After a difficult morning, everyone settled down and the afternoon was spent doing things we all love to do and ended by snuggling on the sofa. By not trying to hard, I genuinely felt the love and it was my favourite part of the day. No one was trying to be the perfect husband or the perfect child – we all were just who we truly are. It was special – remember that when you start trying too hard!

To Lean In or not to Lean In – that is the question?

Facebook COO, Sheryl Sandberg’s book Lean In has caused somewhat of a furore – and it hasn’t even been released in the UK yet! There is no doubt that, in many industries, it is difficult for women to break the glass ceiling and sit on the board or become MD (I can think of at least two examples just off the top of my head) but is Sandberg’s book missing one key point?

Many women do take a career break to bring up children or struggle to be back at their desks within 3 weeks, pretending they have just returned from a vacation. The truth is, having a child is hard work – physically and mentally. The very act of giving birth messes with your hormones to a point where you either cry at the Andrex puppy or want to punch someone in the face. The body doesn’t just spring back into pre-pregnancy suits (no matter what celebrities might say) and to say you are overwhelmed and knackered is an understatement!

In the real world, it is not always possible to take Sandberg’s advice and get the partner to do an equal share of chores and childcare. What if he works shifts or is away part of the week? Often, partners get 2 weeks paternity leave and then that’s it, back to work. The familial support network that may have existed generations ago is often on the other side of the country and you are so busy trying to come to terms with a baby whilst struggling to work that you don’t have time to make friends who could fulfil that role.

But here’s the rub! Sandberg has an army of staff to do these things for her. I’m sure many a new mum would be able to go back to work (and might even find it preferable) if they could leave their loved one with staff! Again, in the real world, it doesn’t work like that!

Sandberg also fails to take into account those women who don’t actually want to work every hour god sends and climb the corporate ladder. She completely misses the point that every women, no, every person, is different with different desires and needs. Those women wanting to make it to the top should, of course, have as much right to get there as a man but those who don’t want to shouldn’t be made to feel they are wrong. It takes all sorts to make a world and every person has a different role to play in it. If every women wanted to Lean In, we would be missing some vital parts that make up the world. 

Embrace our differences, find out what works best for you and your family (whether it be full-time, part-time or stay at home) and love your life with a passion. As they say, no one ever went to their grave wished they’d spent longer at work!

But if my husband wants to do an equal share of chores, who am I to stop him??!! 

What’s stopping you? Could it be fear of success??

‘What a ridiculous question!’ I can imagine some of you saying. Why would I fear success? Surely, that is what everyone strives for? But if we take a step back and truly reflect, fear of success may well be holding you back.

A client of mine is considering changing jobs. He arrived at the session, fired up and wanting to resign immediately. He was fed up of his boss, the work, everything and had had enough! OK, I thought, let’s explore CVs and job hunting. He’s obviously desperate to move on and wants to get straight on it.

I couldn’t have been more wrong! Several weeks later, his CV still hadn’t been revised and his Linkedin profile still hadn’t been updated. What was holding him back? When we explored this further he said, ‘What if all this works and I get a new job?’ I must confess to being slightly baffled – wasn’t that what he wanted? 

‘I’m scared that if succeed, I won’t like the new job and will think I would have been better off staying where I was. It’s almost better the devil you know. How do I know if the time is right?’ Fear of succeeding was holding him back.

Another client of mine couldn’t understand why she wasn’t getting customers for her consulting business. Further probing showed that she had, in fact, been given some really good leads but had failed to follow them up. Why not?

‘I’m worried that when I get their business, I won’t live up to the hype and they’ll think I’m no good. Subconsciously, if I don’t try, then I can’t win business and I don’t have to worry whether customers will think I’m any good.’ The client had no problem with the idea that she could win business if she tried, it was what might happen if she did succeed that scared her.

This is just two examples of how fear of success became an obstacle to moving forward. If this is the case for you, have an honest and frank conversation. Is it just lack of confidence holding back or have you set goals you don’t really want to achieve? 

Working with a coach or mentor is the ideal way to discover what’s holding you back and work out a way to move past it.